Diary

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Within these pages are stories of courage, hope, struggle, and celebration. These stories may seem mundane or monumental. These stories may be single paragraphs or pages long. These stories may have happened yesterday or 50 years ago. Whatever the case, these pages contain REAL stories that we can all share, enjoy, and learn from.

To add to our diary, please send your entry to yes@gaycenter.org

Benjy |UK- North| 06/16/2003

Ok right. I knew I was gay from about the age of twelve and was absolutely petrified about letting anybody find out. So I kept the 'huge secret' (I don't think it should be that big an issue) to myself until I was sixteen.

I ended up coming out to my Mother during an arguement because she was utterly failing to understand that I was under a lot of social pressures to conform etc.

My father had frequently made derogatory remarks about people on TV or the radio whom he suspected of being gay so I asked my mother to keep it to herself.

Three days later my father walks into my room and camly discusses the whole issue with me. Which just goes to show - sometimes you can't judge the reaction.

Also, most of my schoolfriends now know and, despite being from random small farmer villages in the sticks, they are all cool with it. However, now I am mortally afraid of my little brother finding out. He is at the 'difficult' stage (obnoxious and confrontational with a tendancy to hit things.)

I feel better know that I am not trying to hide my sexuality from everyone but I know that my brother will just use the information as ammo when he wants to insult me. My mother meanwhile is trying to pressure me into telling him. It has been the cause of a few yelling matches so I said I would tell my brother when he grew up emotionally which seems to have shut her up for now. I will probably say when I am out of the house and at university.

Justin | Levitown, NY | 05/22/2003

ok well you my have seen me and my friend Jackie's story allitle before this, well as we said we'd keep you updated. well im proud to announce that we are almost 100% sure that by as soon as the beginning of the school year a GSA will be set up. i know its hard to be an "out" student in High School but its also the most proud thing i have ever done. thankfully my school is pretty neutral on the subject,of course you run into a few who arent exactly ecstatic about it all,but its ok. i just wanted to say that i may have not done such things as to have put a rainbow patch onto my backpack, if it wasnt for how proud i am to know that there are people just like me :D

Tarah and KJ | WI - USA | 05/05/2003

I am age 14, and things have been very confusing with me right now. my life is lovely which no one knows that I'm bisexual and I'm not really defining proud of it cause everyone I know thinks its wrong..Cept one girl she is like me and Im going out with her now, Kj is her name and we are happy to be together. but don't show it in public. Will something go wrong in the near future about this? I dont know but being with someone makes you feel great.

Dominique D | Bronx, NY| 04/30/2003

It's kinda hard for me to spin my own yarn about my bisexuality sometimes in my high school, besides the fact that most people in my school are extremely homophobic, and that's a reality that I can't stand.

People have to wake up sometime to face the real world, I have to, and I’m a person just like you. Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals (me too), and Transgenders are people also, but there is a thing of small mindedness going around in society, and we have to rise against that.

That's my opinion, if you wanna reach me and talk, e-mail me, and let's spin a yarn about anything.....

Mike | Canada | 04/04/2003

I live in a small town where a good majority of the students think that gay people should be rounded up and mowed down with a minigun or something. Its pretty nasty. I am not actually gay myself (bisexual) but I have stood up for gay people on many occasions. One major occasion was in an English class, and we were talking about discrimination. Our teacher mentioned that she had heard about a gay man who came out at college was whipped to death by his peers. Most of the people in the class didn't seem to care, and one even said, "I would too." I know, I know, he was probably just trying to be the class clown but when I challenged him why, his one and only argument was, "Because he's gay" as if that was the reason he needed. I was disgusted to say the least.

The thing that sticks in my mind the most was that afterwards, on my way back to my locker some guy I had never seen before (and wasn't able to find again afterwards) came up to me and said I'd better make a choice, either I'm all straight, or I'm gay. But I can't be a straight person supporting gays, because the straight will shun me for standing up for gays, the gays will shun me for being straight. I told him that wasn't true, but sometimes I think it is.

Justin & Jackie | Levittown, NY | 03-25-03

justin and i are "out of the closet" highschool students at division avenue. we have just found each other this year but it seems forever. we have now been able to help each other through the evryday troubles of homosexual/lesbian adolesance. We are right now in the process of starting our very own GSA in our school and town that is very far from open-minded. luckally we are up to the challenge. we will keep you all posted.

Jennifer Behr | Smithfield, NC, US | 02-27-03

Hi My name is Jennifer. It took me three years of trying to realize that being gay is not a bad thing. 80% of the society accepts us, 10% just dont talk about it and the rest despise us. I have also realized how to approach certain people with it. My mother is my best friend and has been my guiding light through it all. I hope everyone has that someone. If theres anyone who needs someone to talk to, please e-mail me, I'm more than happy to listen and talk.

Thank you.

Intolerant | Doesn't really matter | 02-19-03

Well, after years of thought, i'm still only pretty sure i'm gay.

But i have a problem, my own influences and ideals have brought me to pretty much despise the gay lifestyle and scene. Its fucking disgusting. Queer as Folk? What the hell kind of garbage shit is that. Someone decided to make money off you people, i hope you realize that. The only reason being gay is such a big ordeal is because either religion or television told you and everyone else that its wrong. Television just did it indirectly by marketing the female figure. In any way, shape or form. Sex sells. BUt if your gay, you get the joy of knowing that you are being represented by a completely unrealistic fuck fest television show.

Its really very sad that the real gay community is practically forced to rely on petty internet chat to meet or "hook up" with the rest of the gay community. So what i'm basically saying is, the more you conform to what "gay" is, the worse you make if for yourself. I'm a straight guy trapped in a gay body. It fucking blows.

Amanda | seattle, washington | 12-14-02

Quetioning....... im attracted to men & women but i don't feel right with a guy anymore( uncomfort) i am proud to be different and i love myself !

Jim C | Long Island, NY | 11-07-02

I read a story once of how this guy in his early teens chose to live with his dad after his parents got divorced. His dad was a minister at their church. Anyways, to make a long story short, the guy mentioned was gay and felt it was prudent his parents found out. His dad abused him in all the ways you can inflicting damage, emotionally, physically and mentally. It got so bad that he almost committed suicide. He thought "if this is God, I wonder what the devil's like." Sometimes i think about situations like this and I think how insignificant my problems seem. I think about how people make decisions in life; like doctors deciding on a course of action determining life or death, the military who willingly sacrifices their lives to protect others, navigators who make sure planes don't hit each other, I think about these people and their importance in society and I find myself feeling sad. I think about them and I cry because I have nothing better to do with my life than be hide from the simple truth that I'm gay.

My life seems so umimportant compared to everybody else. I should be more proactive and instead I continue to dwell on all the wrong things like a reactive child. Day by day I try to find some sort of meaning, some sort of self-worth and day by day I'm disappointed. And because of this, I cry.

Gay person | California | 10-16-02

well this site is ok but these stories are just deppressing lies for pitty. why dont you all cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it!

have a nice day!!!

Shyna Love | Fortlauderdale,Fl| 10-15-02

Well my name is Shyna Love,actually Im a male and thats just the name I go by in school. I attend Dillard High which has the highest population of gay,lesbian, and drag queens.I live with my mom, grandma, and sister. My whole family knows about me and their cool with it, they even let my boyfriend stay tonight at my house. The way I came out I dont suggest anyone to come out that way (during a argument with your parents) My family is mostyly Christian and I really didn't expect them to take it this easy.My aunt told me she already knew and she said she still loves me, and If Im going to be gay be gay. My whole family took it good and they still love me, my favorite cousin and I do everything together she even lets me meet her boyfriends to judge them for her (lol) Oh yeah I have a gay mother, and no my real mother isnt gay.

Its just a bestfriend usually a Drag Queen that helps you to learn to lovr yourself, accept yourself, and just do evereything a real mother does a > nd their really cool. I talk to mine everyday I have a gay grandmother, sisters, and brothers, and no they are not my real family, they just protect me and give me very good advice, and you can go to them for things you cant go to your real mom, or grandmother about.

Peace & Love

P.S. Stay Save Rainbow pride

siegfred | Philippines | 6-08-01

Just came across this site of yours. like everybody else's story, I also accept my being gay. I discovered this in my latter years highschool. One of my friends usually invites me to watch flicks and I guess thats how it started. Since then I always thought of doing it with other guys.

In the Third World Countries like Phils. Being gay is not widely accepted. The fact that it is Catholic dominated. Its hard being gay especially when you live in the highlands. As for me, I still live in my world of imaginations unable to express myself. (Thank God for Internet anyway!)

Well, the stories I read here gave another spark to my world. I only get inspiration from articles and now, from this site of yours.

Good Luck and More Power.

Anonymous | Graceville, FL | 6-07-01

I really don't know when it started, but all I can remember is that I loved being with guys. I am a 17-year-old black male. These feelings really came over me when I hit puberty. When my body was changing, I really didn't think about girls. Don't get me wrong, I like girls but I like guys more. Living here in Graceville is hard for me. Trying to hide the fact that I am gay and searching for another gay guy to be with is hard. I must say I am terrified. I am worried what my parents, relatives, friends, and complete strangers will think of me. People here are very homophobic. Everywhere I go I here bad jokes about people who are gay and how they need to stop being gay and they are going to hell. I want to tell my folks I like guys but my dad is really anti-gay. They want grandchildren. I want kids but not anytime soon. I want to do my own thang. I want to be happy, but I am sad. I have all these feelings that I want to express but can't. I wish there was someone I could talk to who is gay. I know this onier to be hated here. I want to come out I need to come out but I am scared and that's all there is to it.

Trex | Allentown, PA | 6-06-01

Well, I'm 16 now and I've been out an entire year. It's quite amazing really. I told my best friend (female) really by accident, and she took it great. Then, it was like a roller coaster. One after another people found out and just shrugged. One friend said to me "So? What's your point?" Which was pretty cool. Now pretty much everyone at school knows and is cool with it. I've never had one bad expirence at all. Not as of yet anyway. I haven't told my parents, not until I'm out of the house and on my own will I do that. But hey, I'm just a teenager right? Time to live life! The only really sad thing is that I'm pretty lonely. Even if someone around me was gay as well, they'd still be too afraid to come out. I guess I just have to be patient.

If I could give advice, I'd reccomend that 1) you don't tell your parents unless you are POSITIVE they won't flip out and go nuts or withdrawl college money or something.

and 2)Make sure you have at least one or two really trusted friends you can fall back on. Without Sab Sab (best female friend) and the others in my little 'clique' I would have never made it through.

Grant | Tennesse | 6-06-01

HI. I am a 15 year old living in the most rural part of tennesse.Its hard for me to actually be my true self because of my family. My mother has been taught not to accept these ideas and horrid thoughts. For instance.my family and I were watching Will and Grace when Will kissed another male on the cheek. My mother said out loud "Yuk". That was one point in which i knew she would never understand. Then pressure is put on me to have offspring becuase I am the last of my family when all the others die. My grandparents still refer to us as homosexuals. THeir religon places a huge part and just seems to have such a hypocritical idea that we are not alike at all to the regular people.

missy | Queens, New York City | 6-03-01

I LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND I HE KNOW THAT I HAVE SEEN FEMALES IN THE PAST BEFORE, BUT YET STILL I AM ATTRACTED TO THEM AND I ALSO LOVE AND AND WATCHING QUEER AS FOLKS HELP ME IN A LOT OF WAY.

Blake | Tifton, GA | 5-31-01

I m a 14 openly gay male ,and I am not the only openly gay person at my school.One of my best friends is a openly gay male, his name is jamie.

At school we (jamie and I) hange around each other, so of course we where the subject of jokes. Every gay person will be subject to jokes, and we have grown used to them.

At my school on a special event you can pay a small amount of money to send your "sweat heart" a candy gram. which is a candy and a message that will be read over the loud speaker.

You can just guess what kind of joke some one could make using this candy gramm... (to finish this entry, click on the link below)

Jessie W | Brandon, MS | 5-30-01

It's hard to put into words what I want to say. For a long time, I thought that there was something wrong with me. I tried like hell to deny my feelings towards women, but it didn't work. I tried to push my feelings out by getting into relationships with guys at school, but nothing lasted because they couldn't give me what I needed. After high school and a particularly bad breakup with some guy I had been pretending to be in love with for 3 years, I had my first lesbian relationship. It was the most liberating experience in my life. For the first time, I actually felt comfortable and free to express myself. I realized how wrong I had been when I went through the charade of a straight relationship. I guess my point is, that if you have these feelings, don't delude yourself, or tell yourself that it's just a phase because in the end, the only one you're hurting is yourself.

Gary | Oklahoma | 5-29-01

Let's see how i can start this thing....Hmmm. I guess I kinda of figured I was either gay or bi by my freshman year. there were a lot of things that had been bothering me that only a guy would understand and the guy that helped me understand this was awesome and really touched my heart. There is something I must tell you though. I live in this really small town and being different isn't really cool and I am afraid of losing some of my friends if I come out about who i am and what I am. I mean I wish that those around me could accept that some people are different. But I guess that is life and i have to deal with it sooner or later.

jeremy g | Wixom, MI | 5-24-01

Why do highschool kid always have to harass other kid's of being gay i guess the united states are like that very confusing to me HELP!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!

Erik B | Suburbia, Philadelphia, PA | 5-20-01

Well, here I am, a basically out and proud 16 y/o gay guy from Pennsylvania. It was just last year I was denying rumors when I realized that there was no point and I came out. I honestly expected my world to end, my parents to reject me, and to go through this entire drama that I see so often on TV, movies, etc. But it was really anti-climactic. While I can't say for everyone's particular situation, being out to your friends, true friends (the people who count, not the passerby you know in order to be popular) is really rewarding cuz it feels like a ton off your shoulders. And by no means do i fit a stereotype. I hate art, I hate classical music and opera. Sure I go clubbing, but with friends...but that's besides the point. Don't be who they want you to be, and don't be what you think you should be, be you and by god be proud of that! Religious nuts know nothing...okay that was a all random, I'll let you all go back to browsing this page.

Jon | Canada | 5-20-01

After reading everyone's stories, I felt that I had to make a submission. I can relate to many of the comments made in these testimonials. First, the idea of the small city/town. I am from a small city and can say that homophobia definitely prevails there. As well, I can relate to the idea of other people and friends identifying you as "queer." From the ninth grade on, I received comments and other blows about who I was (even though I was not "out"). I ignored the attitudes as best I could and well, you might say that I was conditioned to the atmosphere - I definitely denied I was "gay." In my second year of university, I lived in residence. It was like high school all over again! I made friends easily but many were girls. A group of them pressured me to ask this one girl out and well, I must say that it was awkward (kissing her esp.), but I didn't know why. After we broke up, I blamed it on incompatibility - I was too serious about school and all she was interested in was partying! I had tad interests w/ one guy and been with another really great guy!... (to finish this entry, click on the link below)

Damian | Toronto, Canada | 5-20-01

I am 20 years old and being gay is so hard. I wish everynight. That I will not be gay when I wake up in the morning. I am a black guy and homosexuality is not accepted in my culture. I want to tell my family and friends but I know they would have a hard time dealing with my sexuality. However, when I gether up the courage to tell everyone I think about the lifesyle I am living. The gay guys that I have met have made me feel like a slut. As soon as I start dating someone and I with whole sex from them for 2 days. That guy would not hang around. I am like how can I tell my family and friends when homosexual guys are making gay lifesyle look like it is just base on sex and nothing more. I hope I can find someone that will make me proud of being gay. That went I tell my folks they can see that I have someone that loves me as much as my dad loves my mom.If Mr. Right is out there I am waiting.

Marie W | Georgia | 5-19-01

I tried to deny that I was attracted to other girls for years, even after I had had a three year long relationship with a now very EX-best friend. I'm still incredibly confused about myself, I don't know if I'm bi or lesbian, and none of my family knows anything about my personal life, anyway. Sex with guys isn't that attractive to me, and most people I've been seriously attracted to are female, but what can I do in an area like this? Sometimes I just wish I were 18 and out of my small town, in a place where I could be what I wanted to be. Whatever that is, anyway.

laura sky d (TWIGGY) | McAlester, OK | 5-15-01

Hi,im an 18 year old bisexual female from a state in the bible belt. I had my first female kiss when i was in 4th grade and that's when i started lookin at other girls. throughout the next 8 years i traveled around a lot. Most towns in oklahoma didnt like gays, lesbians, or bisexuals. I didnt have many female friends because of it so mainly i was a tomboy. most preppy chicks would try and tease me with "Sky the Dyke" but after a while i got used to it. i mean i am also what folks around here call a FREAK or OUTCAST by the way i dress and my taste in music. I am proud of who i am and i am proud of my gay, bisexual, and lesbian friends and also brother. It takes a lot of hard work to continue on in life knowing that youre not accepted. We all will make it and i have to put my thoughts out to Shepard and all the other victims whose lifes were taken because of ignorance of the "Other" world. thank you very much.

lsd,,,,,,,, twiggy

SEXYTHANG | Wellington, CO | 5-13-01

All through school kids make fun of other kids and it gets really old. It also gets old to have gay,lesbians,and bi's to made fun of. Most of us has gotten passed the whole racial thing why cant we get passed this sexuality thing?? Okay sometimes its real hard for people to find their true selves. For example me... I am really confused about my true self. For example I LOVE guys but I have had experiences with girls to I know I'm only 14. and I should not worry about it because I know that I'm more interested in guys then girls but sometimes I find myself looking at how nice their legs are and their boobs but maybe its just a jelousy thing.

Rainbow | Mascouche, Quebec | 5-13-01

I attended William Hingston High School, and thought it was war time. It was the worst years of my life. I never came out, it was unthinkable, I understand today that I was in denial about myself, since I had no sexual experience to proove myself who I am.

But others seemed to figured out. I was mocked, being ridiculed, and very lonely and outcasted. But cannot change history, I know today that I'm gay, but not out. I think for me better left things unsaid (family and work) it doesn't consern them. The only thing different today is if someone asks me, the truth comes out. My family never had the guts. As for my parents, once my mother and I were watching a tv movie "Consenting adult" my mother told me if ever your gay, I would rather not know. How sad ~

Jessi | Buffalo, NY | 5-09-01

I am a 15 year old bisexual girl at WSE High School. I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. Not many people in my town are educated about the topic of sexual identity. I hope to change that. Although I only have two years left in high school, I great hope to change what people think about GLBT students. We are still people, and we deserve to be treated the same as anyone else.

I have decided to begin my mission to start a GSA by writing my english essay on prevention of hate-crimes and discrimination. I see it as a big problem in my school. I get at least ten comments in the halls from people about my sexuality. I want to help other students who may be GLBT not be afraid to come out. It was hard for me. I dont know of any other GLBT students, but many of my friends support me. I am out to my mom, but I am not sure if she supports me.

I just want this to work. I want to make my school a safer place. I want people to be more educated and open-minded.

Hopefully I can help to make this happen in my little town.

ANDREW C | Sylvester, GA | 5-06-01

Ok well to start off I am gay and have known this for the past 4 years. Now that, that is out of the way I can get to the point. I am not currently out in my school. I have decided to not make sexual preferance an issue. The only people I have told are three of my very best friends. These three have helped me greatly with my situation. In fact we now all go check the guys out together, and we all have different tastes!

What I am trying to say here is "coming out" is no easy thing for any one, that is just a fact of life. This doesn't mean that it can not be done. The advice I would give to you all is to start off with the people you trust the most and go from there like me.

Now we come to the interesting part of my entery. I at the moment I am not out ot my perants. Yes it is true I am worried as to how to go about it. How do you go about telling your perants that you are gay? I am just totaly lost as to what to say. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Andrew

Andrew | Brooklyn, NY | 4-29-01

I'm Andrew. I attend Benjamin Banneker High School in Brooklyn, New York in one of the predominatly black areas where being gay isn't accepted...at all. I'm not gay though... but sometimes I feel it. I find it romantic to see other men kiss eachother like on that show "Queer as Folk". I find myself constatly wanting to be embraced by another man or find true love with someone that is the same gender as me... yet I'm still attracted to girls. I'm confused as hell and I'm not completely sure whther I should confess my feelings to anyone yet. I have friends that I could tell... but like most of the other stories on this page... I fear that my story would get spread around school and I'd become an outcast. Am I gay? Am I bisexual? What am I? Why does society reject people like me... like US... for being individuals? If I could be anywhere else in this screwed up world... I'd take the chance... 'cause being around people who won't accept you for who you are (or what you are according to them) is rediculous.

Fred | Erie, PA | 4-29-01

I am 26 and i know like no other what it is like to go threw school being hated for being gay i went threw it all my school years and the again in colege it is not east all i can say if keep you head up and high and live as to what makes you happy and not everyone esle no matter how hard it gets i went to a catholic school which as we know is hard enough then went to a private colege and could not make there so i dropped out and went to a public school when i graduated and have 2 degrees and i am openly gay except for at work i live by the don't ask don't tell but if u ask i will tell no matter what responce i get i am HAPPY.

Robert D | Canada | 4-29-01

I am an 18 year old homosexual male. It feels odd to actually write that after years of denying that I was gay, not just bi. Something I hid behind for years before finally admitting it. I. Am. Gay. I have a boyfriend. 29 years old. A really wonderful guy. Caring and sweet, and wants nothing but the best for me. I'm lucky, though we both know it isn't going to last like this forever. He'll always be my best friend. Maybe even my lover. But when I go away to university next year, we are going to break up. That isn't why I'm here. To mope about the inevitable.

I live in a small town in Canada. As any person can tell you, small towns are among the worst to live in if you are gay, because there are such limited resources available to us for support, that it often feels like you are alone. I know that if it weren't for my boyfriend, there's no one here I could easily talk to. My father has disowned me. Not because I'm gay, but for other related reasons. My mother understands, but is afraid to support me.

Maybe some day, things will get easier. Maybe some day I'll be able to come out, take a deep breath and say "I'm Here. And I'm Queer." And not be afraid of the people around me.

Some day.

Mark | Edmonton, Canada | 4-27-01

Well, I actually found a gay site on the internet where people from my city would chat. When I first came to terms with my sexuality I wanted to experiment with a guy, so I met one off of this site (Not a good idea by the way!). The day after, I told a friend about it in a note. I brought the note home, it fell out of my book bag, landed on the floor and my mom read it and was horrified, however she accepted it (we check out guys together now =) She told everyone in my family about it, which was a good thing I would say, because it saved me the trouble of having to tell them. They all still loved me, and accepted it. Then my sister (who at the time went to the same school as me) outed me to everyone at the school. I have quite a bit of friends, and most people in the 1700 population school knew me, so I was totally horrified. But as it happens, most of them accepted it. I was never gay bashed once, and actually people came up to me and told me how great they thought it was, including some teachers. It was a very rare instance, I believe, but I'm really glad that it turned out this way.

Eric | Kansas City | 4-27-01

well ,i know i am gay and i have not told anyone . i am scared to come out of the closet . i want to come out to my mom but i am scared .

Brad K | Northern VA | 4-23-01

well... im just reading through this site... and i decided to share some stuff that might help through life. First off... my bible online... Planetout.com... not only is it a great site for talking to people, its also great for meeting people. It has a great personals program and i have found many a moment of happinesss through it. Also, and this may be obvious... but... QUEER AS FOLK!! YES!! LONG LIVE QUEEN JUSTIN!

Richard | Toronto, Canada | 4-23-01

Currently I'm mostly in the closet, I told 2 people who I am. I feel that High school is not the most gay friendly enviroment to come out in. My only problem is that I can't seem to find anyone, gay, who I can connect with. My problem is I'm not the stereotypical gay person (ie I like rock and hate trance) and can't find anyone around my age that also like rock and are gay.

But Hey thems the breaks.

Also despite the fact I know I'm gay the 2 people I have ever felt a connection with are girls. They are the female versions of me but with their own uniqueness, obviously. So now I'm trying to find who I can love.

Sexy Boy | Alberta, Canada | 4-20-01

Im 16 and i have finaly admited to myself what i have known for a very long time I'm Gay, but i have forced it into the back of my mind for a long time for fear of what people would think and do. I am very uncomfertable with my sexuality because i live in a town where everyone knows everything about you and everyone here is very homophobic. I feel like the only one in who feels this way and I have no gay friends and maybe if i did i would not feel so alone.

Ty B | Gastonia, NC | 4-18-01

Well first I'll start by saying that it's been 8 years since I first realized I was gay. Now I'm 18. Being in a family with Ministers all over the place is the toughest spot any person who's coming out could be in.

My sister was the one who pushed me out of the closest, can you picture that. she just happened to be going through my stuff and came over some nude photos of guys that I had. She then, shows them to my grandmother, who just happens to be in the Ministry. she then shows my mother, who didnt admit that she was scared, she just said that if that's the way you are then I'll still love you regaurdless,but I hope your not. I managed to convince them that it was just a phase I was going through, but if they only knew. As two years went by I finally had the nerve to face the truth.Well that's not what really happened. First It started at my work place, I work around some incrediable people, who were older that I, that were able to boost my confidence about coming out. they were all comimg up to me saying, Ty, dont you hide who you really are.

If that's who you are, dont let any one put you down. and they really help me to grow as a gay teen. then through a nerveous break down in one of my classes, I was able to come out at school, only to certain people though. But It's not easy being gay, because you get lonely sometimes, or you have all of these feelings for a certain guy, and they dont understand what your going through. It really hurts. But it make you stronger, because in the end you'll get what you want evenually. So for all you first time come outs I say this to you, keep the sun on your side,meaning always have a positive outlook on everything. And dont ever feel like your in this alone. Cause there are more of us out here, and more to cum!

Danni | Tulare | 4-15-01

I'm in 11th grade now, but it weird being out of the closet. Last year, I was dating a girl and she thought that I was gay but I didn't think so. Her friend is gay and he hit on me, then things happened that weren't meant to happen.

A year later here I am 100% gay. who knew that I would come out so soon but I'm proud to be gay, all my friend know about it and they love me the same, but my parents are not the type that would just expect me for that, but I told my aunts and cousins. I think that my mom thinks that I am. but hey you are what you are and god loves you, no matter what anyone say. If you don't think anyone loves you think of me.....

Luanne | Brentwood, NY | 4-14-01

im currently 16 years old, and an out and proud bisexual at my high school. It's funny how some guys will be totally willing to see their girlfriend with another woman, as was one of my former boyfriends. My last one thought that it was wrong of me to even think about being bi because i was with him, like that negated the fact of my bisexualism. He got extremely offended when i told him i was thinking about starting a GSA at Brentwood High School. It was the source of many arguments during our time together, and my experience has made me think twice about having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend.

Guy E. R. | Chicago, IL | 4-12-01

When I was in highschool,I was almost literaly draged out of the closet.I never gave anyone any indication that I was gay. Every day I whent to school I was either herased or beet up by boolies who knew.I often came late to school because of knights of not falling to sleep thinking about it.I almost tryed suicide but I changed my mind. I guess I was to scared to do it.I tryed telling my parents and my teechers about the boolies but they never listened.They believed that it was imposible for an intire school to single out one person,it happened. It also gets worse.This also happened throughout grammerschool as well.In highschool the trouble got much worse.I chose not to hurt anyone or myself and I dropped out my seconed sofmore year.throughout school I've never had so much as a date.I've alwase ben alone and that scares me.I'll be 26 in July and it feels as though I'll die alone. I have learned from this though.That no matter how big or how small our differences are,it is our differences that makes us exist.

Ed | Troy, MI | 4-11-01

Though I never admitted being gay in high school, I was always harassed and all sorts of rumers went through-out the school, mostly of which, were false. The only thing I wish I could change about my past is that I would have told everyone that I was gay from the begining. I realized that while I was hiding the fact that I was gay, I was unintionally hiding many other things about who I was. I am out now at 25 and have never felt more free in my life. Oh, by the way, I LOVE "QUEER AS FOLK".

Matt | Woodbridge, VA | 4-11-01

well this isnt much of a story, it's more of an insight. I'm 16 and gay, but not many people know, and most of those who do know are girls. I would really like to be able to tell evryone I meet, because damnit, I'm proud of what I am, and I would like to share my life with someone else who's proud of waht they are. But I cant because at my high school (C.D. Hylton) there are soo many people who are so totally against anything gay that I feel it's a danger to my life to tell people who I really am. This kind of liying makes me mad, because I shouldnt have to keep who I am in the dark, everyone should just accept it. And I guess the real reason I'm writing this, is just to let other kids know that they're not the only ones dealing with a situation like this. I also think that schools should do more to ensure the protection of gay students, I already know of two guys who were beaten senseless just for showing what they were publically. I just wish everyone had the feedom to be who they really are, anx: 22

Anonymous | Chappaqua, NY | 4-10-01

I can't say my name, even though I really would like to. But if my friends saw... I don't know what would happen.

It all started last year. I was interested in gay rights, but didn't consider myself gay and all my other friends were slightly bothered by the fact that my English paper was on gay rights. I think they started to think I was gay.

Then I met this girl. I'd known her for awhile and all of a sudden I realized I liked her in the way mmy other friends liked boys. I couldn't look at her, even though she was in many of my classes, because I was afraid she'd realize. I didn't know if I was gay or if was straight... I convinced myself it was a phase.

Matt Y | Morgantown, WV | 4-10-01

i always knew from a young age that i was different. it was something that i didn't wanna deal with. when i was in high school i told a few of my closest friends that i was gay and that we super kewl with it. when i came to college and realized that there was life outside of my little redneck town i decided that i could be who i wanted to be and that people here didn't care one way or the other what my sexual orientation was. when i came here i decided that i couldn't be 100% happy in life until i was completely happy with myself. since i have came to this point in my life where i am accepting of me i have met the most wonderful boyfriend a guy could have.

my family on the other hand was not as pleased as i was. there are a few of them that are kewl with it, there are a few that are gonna try and accept it and then there are the ones that are in pure denial. i'm sure they'll come around someday. but, i would have to say that my friends in college have been the best support that i've had...oh yeah and then there's joey.... he's great too =)

"Angel" David | Williamston, MI | 4-01-01

I go to school in a small town in Michigan where diversity is very scarce. Not only am I the only openly homosexual male student in the school, but I am also Hispanic. It is very different for me. I have a lot of friends, but have found the attitude of Williamston's male population toward me is quite malignant. It is very hard being the only gay guy around. It sucks since the only way I can find a guy is through my girlfrinds who happen to know other gay guys. I am glad that I decided to come out though. It has been a rough ride, but someone had to set the prescident, and it seems that I am always the one doing that around here. I actually like being a pioneer. There is still a lot of uncharted territory in this small town. I hope I get them to see a lot more before i graduate.

Shirley | Dell, MT | 3-21-01

Well here I am. I am so nervous about this. I don't even know why. I have been struggling with this for some time now and I have to say, I hate having to be afraid to tell people that I'm bisexual. I live in a small town where no one is cool or even chilly about this. They are all frozen solid! What do I do? I'm scared to even look at someone just in case they figure me out. I don't want my senior year ruined totally. Help!

Evan | Denver, CO | 3-11-01

I am fourteen year old bisexual student in denver. i am afraid to come out becase of rejection. but every time i feel it is ok to come out, some one brutally rejects the g,l bi community.i will eventuall come out, but if i do i will have to be absolutely comfortable myself and know that i am for shur. but i know that once i come out i will be rejected by family and friend and i know it will hurt.

Riley | Levittown, NY | 3-03-01

All right, I'm really nervous writing this, I'm also bisexual. I started thinking about this when I was about thirteen, I don't think anyone knows. My school isn't too bad with gays and lesbians, but some people are. I know a few guys whom are gay, and one girl who is bisexual, but I'm afraid to come out. Afraid my friends will desert me and my family wont understand. My mom has taught me to never think people are bad because they are different, but she has also expressed confusion as to how a woman and another woman could *want* to have sex together, I feel alone, I am not even sure if I am just curious or not, I know that when I think of kissing another girl, it doesn't make me feel weird, I know I like the way they look, their hair, skin, the way they smell. I'm confused, but more so, alone. I don't want to be deserted by the world, when so many are just like me.

Dan | Rockville, MD | 2-27-01

Well, in 10th grade I had told about 3 people who I thought were my friends. Well about 3 days later, every one in the deaf and hard of hearing community knew.

Thanks to that one person I met, my first boyfriend, I am ok with who I am.

Jessica A | Carthage, TX | 2-26-01

Five months ago I was pushed out of the closet by a person I thought was a really good friend, and now I have been trying to deal with other people including family that cannot deal with the facts. I'm a lesbian and there is no way of changing that. I go to Carthage High, Carthage is a really small town, and everyone in school knows including the teachers. I want to start a group for people like me but every time I try the school shuts me down. How do I convince them that it is a good idea? Maybe I never will but it's so bad that there are fights between strays, what we call staight people, and the gays and gay sympathizers. I'm actually afraid to go to school sometimes, and they don't understand that we need some support from somewhere, most of us at my school are not even out to our parents because they are afraid to.

Tarah M | Colorado | 2-22-01

I am 16 and kind of gay sometimes. But no one has given me any crap about it, or if they have I just haven't noticed and/or cared. The Offspring rocks so hard!!!!!!!

Anthony | Burlington, NJ | 2-16-01

I'm 16, and I'm bisexual. I've known it for a long time, but I never told anybody. I had a best friend for eight years. We were really close, and I thought I was picking up some gay signals from him, so one day I just leaned over and kissed him while we were watching X-Men (how erotic! lol.) It turns out he is not gay, my gaydar was a little off, and I was yanked out of the closet by my former best friend. He told EVERYBODY, and even my brother heard at school, and he told my parents. So, I guess now I'm out of the closet, and I'm still single. Everyone in my school is afraid to come out, with good reason. This town is no place for faggots like me.

Anthony S | Bridgeport, CT | 2-8-01

Hi my name is Anthony. This is my first time on this site. I'm 18 years of age and go to Warren Harding High School in Connecticut. I have started a G.S.A. at my school. So far it been somewhat succesful. I would like it to be more successful. We have about 10 members, down from 25 members. Can anyone help me on making this bigger?

Matt S | Lacrosse, WI | 1-22-01

Well first I'd like to discuss how at my first school I was outed and dealt with it. Before I moved up here to Wisconsin, I was "outed" at my school, (Oklahoma School for the Blind, in Muskogee, Okla.) This wasn't my plan either; I figured at a small conservative private-type school that things would be very bad. After I left, however I found that nobody seemed to have a problem with having two gay students, (out of only 100 or so total) Then I moved up here to LaCrosse, (WI) where I attend Central High, and here I have found quite a different point of view. I am in the Diversity Club, and even there the support for LGBTQ youth is minimal, as I have felt that the staff running the club don't like to bring up Gay issues in our meetings. I have not come out yet, because in this school there are still signs of hate, and very little signs of support. I have been told that one of the school counselours is an outed lesbian, but I have yet to meet her. I do not feel that LGBTQ issues are properly dealt with in school.

Anna G | New York, NY | 1-20-01

Well, let me begin by saying that SIGNS and the Center have been a part of my life for a long time. If it wasn't for these programs, I would not be writing this right now. I have been out of my high school for a few months now. It is when I actually left the school that my vision had come true. Those 3 years of hard work had finally paid of.

It all had started when I was in the 2nd smester of 9th grade. I had recently come out to a couple of people; people I thought I could trust. By the end of that month, my little secret had become the hot topic of my grade. I was pissed off, and very upset. After that, I kept quiet about my sexual orientation. The next semster,10th grade I decided to speak to my guidance counselor. I knew that I could trust her. She ended up being a great help. She told that there were other people like me. This other girl, with my guidance counselor were trying to get a gay/straight alliance started. I was ecstatic. She explained what it was, and that it was almost complete. I met with the girl. We started talking about how this club was going to work. We also had an advisor for the GSA, an openly lesbian teacher. We met with the assistant principal, who was in charge of student affairs. She was very strict about it. But, we were allowed to meet, and become a formal club. The agreement was that we were not going to promote the club by flyers, or anything. That sucked. But some people did end up coming to the meeting, though all were seniors. So that semester was pretty cool... (to finish this entry, click on the link below)

"The Appreciator" | Blue Island, IL | 1-17-01

Well to tell the truth, I am just inquisitive about what the world is like to be... well, different. I am 16 years old and basically, I am curious. Since my family is VERY RELIGIOUS, it has to be "under wraps." Good thing is that I have my mom to support me all the way through. Thank goodness for that. That's all for now cause I have to go and see a teacher, my counselor, the school's social worker, etc, etc...

:-)

Joe H | Tarrytown, NY | 6-20-00 :

May '99: Joe and C talked about forming a GSA at Hackley. Unfortunately, neither was out at school and both felt that it was too late in the year to start a new club, whatever it was. Also, both felt concerned for their safety because although both were presumed to be straight, they were too frightened to risk being attacked at school. Fortunately, despite all this, both knew that there were at least two faculty members who would be willing to serve as club advisors. Confident of at least one aspect of the project both felt that it would be best to finish the year and see what happened in the next year

September '99: At the club assembly, Joe felt that if there could be all the other clubs he had never heard about, why couldn't there be a Gay Straight Alliance, a club that would probably be more important than many of the other clubs that existed. Therefore, after the assembly, he met with C again and spoke with the two faculty members that had been brought up the year before to help. The two teachers seemed very supportive of the idea but were concerned for reasons such as safety and unsure as to whether such an idea could be brought about at Hackley, a school that prides itself on tradition and adhering to old values. Values that no one was sure included tolerating glbtq people. Therefore, to gauge the reaction of the community, Joe and C first had to determine how many people would join a GSA if it were formed before they did anything else... (to finish this entry, click on the link below)

Gina B | Brooklyn, NY | 5-9-00 :

Even though I attend a progressive private school, traces of homophobic attitudes are still found in the hallways. Day after day, I walk through the hallways hearing another guy calling something "gay" or someone "faggot." I cannot turn around every single time to make a comment to the person, lecturing him on why saying "gay" and "faggot" is bad. Why he would sound more intelligent if he used a different word to convey negativity. And the times when I do turn around and take the time to address the person he always seems to have a snappy comeback: "We make fun of our ethnicity's all the time. I don't know that I'm not gay, I could be, so it's like the same thing." Then the comeback itself turns into a joke and the little unintentionally homophobic comment escalates into a gay-bashing episode. These people, however, are not homophobic. They are simply ignorant to the fact that such comments are degrading despite the fact that they are said in jest. This concept is difficult to convey; people rarely want to accept the fact that their actions may be inflicting pain. This is why a GSA exists in my school. So that the few people that do come, have a place to come and discuss the problems they face in the hallways and to make sure that these silly remarks do not turn into emotional scars.

Claire Pasternack | New York, NY | 5-9-00 :

Being the Rainbow Club Advisor

Being an advisor to our Gay, Straight Alliance was never something I wished to be. And yet, here was this 13 year old person "coming out" to me and asking why, if there was a club for every interest in our school, couldn't there be a GSA, a Rainbow Club? "Would you be the advisor?" "I'll think about it." And I did. Maybe this student would go away I thought and hoped. I f I do this everyone will think I'm gay. How can I get out of this? The student was unrelenting. And so instead of "thinking about it," I needed to examine myself. What I found was an older gym teacher who was not sure she could provide the leadership, or give either the comfort or the support to students who were more courageous than she was. But as I examined myself, I realized that this was an opportunity of a lifetime. It was a chance to be visible, challenge stereotypes, and help to educate my school community. I said yes. It is always true that between teachers and students the channel is open both ways. I hoped I could do my part. It was clear that the students were leading this teacher.

The first year we met every other week. This felt fine. As I began to get my sea legs and with encouragement from the students, we began to meet every week. We have never been a large group; the first year we were 2 or 3 each meeting. Although students wished to have more club members, it was clear to me that they needed to do the leg work if this was to happen. And it did. I tried to bring in topics to discuss, but the students were more interested in sharing their day with each other and making friends. I was learning to take my lead from them... (to finish this entry, click on the link below)